


It Was A Pretty Normal Day

by ThreeHats



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 20:58:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7522879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeHats/pseuds/ThreeHats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lt. Colonel James Rhodes felt the satisfying whirrthunk of his helmet mechanism kicking in, his right arm already poised in the air as he stood at attention and gave General Babbage a reverent salute. His faceplate shifted and at last he could read the room with his own eyes - not just scan the digital readout for scraps of information on his heads-up-display.  He was after all a combat pilot, and while a lot of his training had involved learing how to translate the information being relayed to him by his aircraft's onboard computers, most of his role - hell, he would argue it was the whole goddamn crux of the thing - involved using his eyes, his ears, and his instincts. And right now, all of those things told him that something was fishy.  And no, not just because there were several thousand leagues under the ocean's surface. Though he would totally take credit for that and tell people his subconscious has a rapier wit when it came to making fish puns.</p><p>All characters, locations and scenarios were pulled out of a hat to create this story, which was written in 30 minutes or less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was A Pretty Normal Day

**Characters:** War Machine, Ahsoka  
 **Location:** Secret Underwater Military Base   
**Scenario:** Cursed only to tell the Truth 

All characters, locations and scenarios were pulled out of a hat to create this story, which was written in 30 minutes or less.

\--

 

Lt. Colonel James Rhodes felt the satisfying whirrthunk of his helmet mechanism kicking in, his right arm already poised in the air as he stood at attention and gave General Babbage a reverent salute. His faceplate shifted and at last he could read the room with his own eyes - not just scan the digital readout for scraps of information on his heads-up-display.

He was after all a combat pilot, and while a lot of his training had involved learing how to translate the information being relayed to him by his aircraft's onboard computers, most of his role - hell, he would argue it was the whole goddamn crux of the thing - involved using his eyes, his ears, and his instincts. And right now, all of those things told him that something was fishy.

And no, not just because there were several thousand leagues under the ocean's surface. Though he would totally take credit for that and tell people his subconscious has a rapier wit when it came to making fish puns.

"Rhodes!" the general bellowed from his chest. If Babbage's disdain for Rhodey had been a weapon, they could've used it to win every war the United Stares found itself swept up in for the next fifty years. As it was, James noted, all Babbage's bullets were spent on him. "I assume you've been debriefed on this next op. I wouldn't have to waste my breath explaining something I'm sure your suit could tell you in next to no time."

"Actually, sir," Rhodes spoke out of turn, a bad habit he'd picked up while fighting with the Avengers. They actively encouraged banter. It was an important part of the job; just like the whole awareness thing was a basic part of being a pilot, having a wide capacity for snark was equally necessary for fighting alongside, oh say, Thor the lightning god. "Nobody's told me anything specific yet. Was kinda hoping that's what this little meeting was for."

"Look out there, Rhodes," Babbage enunciated with all the force of one of War Machine's own repulsor beams. He swept his arm in the direction of the wall length, impossibly thick window that gave them a perfect glimpse out at the haunting blue vista of the ocean floor. "What do you see?"

"Cuttlefish," Rhodes responded, his eyes feigning serious interest in the underwater lifeforms. "Few hammerheads. Crabs. If Tony visits, don't tell him we got crabs around here, he'll have a field day telling the press that General Babbage's finest outfit has-"

"If I wanted Stark's opinion," Babbage's eyes squinted until the whites of his eyes were like twin shining daggers glinting in the artifical light of the briefing room. "He would be the one standing in front of me. Not you. Now tell me. What do you see?"

"A significant weakness that Hydra will eventually exploit," Rhodes couldn't help but criticize the obvious oversight that came with installing an enormous window into the side of the military facility. Not only because it was so brainless a decision, but because on his last outing with the Avengers, Rhodey had been set upon by some magical creation of the Mandarin - or it was entirely possible that Stephen Strange's own warped wizardry had affected him. Either way, in the superheroic fracas, he had been struck with a curse that forced him to tell the truth. At all times. It was a secret he had been struggling to keep. It made meetings such as this way infinitely more stressful than they would be otherwise - after all, if the General ordered him to tell him the Avengers' greatest secrets, he would be powerless to say no. He imagined it was a good thing that the Avengers never really clued him in one their greatest secrets. "I'm sorry sir, if there's a bigger picture I'm missing, I'm not seeing it."

"It's not what you see, it's what you don't see, Rhodes," Babbage explained.

"I really hate trick questions," Rhodey groaned. The curse again. Not only was he unable to lie, he was also unable to contain the truth at times when it worked against him. "Uh, sir. I really hate trick questions SIR."

"You'll like this one," Babbage continued. "Look. Out there. No superheroes doing their dirty work. No supervillains antagonizing anyone. It's peaceful, Rhodes. Peaceful and blue, and nobody's gotten to it yet except us. We're the first ones down here which means that we can stake our claim before the Avengers can so much as assemble. Right now they act like they own the skies, but we? We're protecting something far vaster. The ocean, Rhodes. We're going to police the ocean."

"The ocean's kinda big, probably got parts that are a little bit out of our jurisdiction," Lt. Colonel Rhodes informed the general of what he surely already knew. "How're we gonna get away with something like this?"

"That's the best part," General Babbage sneered, standing in front of the window. Rhodey heard an automatic door open behind him. He would've turned to look, but he was too busy focusing on not pissing off the general to do so, and instead chose to remain at attention. "We won't be doing anything. It'll be part of an intergalactic diplomacy mission."

"Intergalactic diplomacy...?" James asked, feeling the curse work its way into his words. "That already reeks of grade A bull-"

"Lt. Colonel Rhodes," a confident female voice arose from beside him. Rhodey turned, surprised that someone would address him directly before first acknowledging the General. He found himself face to face with a young girl with bright orange skin and intricately marked head-tails that flanked either side of her features. He had seen reports of this particular alien race in the military's top secret databanks. The Togruta. They were a race of knowledgable folk. Not to mention beautiful. "I am Captain Ahsoka, former member of the Jedi Order. It is my pleasure to be joining you on this, the first ever mission to unite our people in the interests of peace."

Rhodey looked from the athletic alien girl to the general, who examined his reaction with great amusement. He turned back and held his arm out to shake her hand, his suit whirring and shifting to match every subtle nuance of his own muscular system. He smiled and wanted to say 'welcome to our planet', but to his sinking sense of dismay, he felt the curse work its magic and change the words as they left his lips.

"So you're a giant Mary Sue," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Who is this... Mary Sue?" Ahsoka blinked, looking from both James to the general in disbelief.

Lt. Colonel James Rhodes sighed and slowly began to explain both magic and the concept of fan fiction to an alien wizard from a different galaxy.

It was a pretty normal day.


End file.
